Forget the Superbowl (GO PATS!), forget the bone-aching cold, forget the groundhog giving us six weeks of hope or despair. It’s February – the month of Love. I used to HATE Valentine’s Day. When you’re not single by choice, it’s a very difficult time of year. The stores are full of hearts and flowers, and there’s a huge focus on buying gifts for your sweetheart. Disheartening (no pun intended) for those who don’t have one. I suffered through this yearly appointment with the doldrums through much of my disastrous first marriage and then the sixteen lonely years that followed my divorce. Some years it was simply excruciating. It wasn’t so much the “Hallmark Holiday” blues that bothered me – I’m not really that interested in celebrating holidays pushed by the candy, card and gift industries. But seeing the bouquets come into the office and the celebration pictures on Facebook, and feeling left out as my married and coupled friends spent time together just underscored the loneliness and hopelessness I felt when thinking that I may live the last half of my life alone. It was a yearly fight trying not to think of myself as unlovable, unattractive, undesirable and flawed in some way. As the years ticked by, that fight became more and more difficult for my “positive” self to win.
I’ve done a radio show on Valentine’s Day – the origins of the holiday and the “real” St. Valentine. The truth includes that there are actually at least three saints named “Valentine,” and most of the legends surrounding “his” life, death and legacy are just that – legends. Almost no historical records of him or his activities exist. The reason that Valentine’s Day became a thing was the same sort of assimilation technique that brought us Christmas, Easter and other “Christian” feast days – it was established to begin the eradication of the existing Pagan holiday of Lupercalia, a tribute to the Roman god Lupercus (the equivalent of the Greek god Pan), during which animals were sacrificed and purification tools called “februa” (in homage to the god of purging – Februus) were used to avert evil spirits and purify the city. This happened on Dies Februatus – the “Februated Day” – which was celebrated on the 15th of February. What did this have to do with St. Valentine? The Luperci who served as priests for the event would use the skin flayed from the sacrificed animals, and “milk” from the wild fig tree to ceremonially strike and anoint women who wished to conceive, and women lined up on the streets with outstretched hands to be struck in the hopes of finding love, marriage and children that year. When the Roman Catholic Church co-opted the festival, they appointed St. Valentine as the patron saint of betrothed and married couples, love and marriage. Thus Valentine’s Day, the day to celebrate love, was born.
But I digress. What I really want to talk about in this blog is real Love. Not the butterflies in the stomach, palm-sweaty, loin-stirring, heart-thumping infatuation type of love. Not the cuddly-sweet, ooey gooey, baby-talky way we love our kids and grandkids. But the type of love that Carly Simon calls the stuff that dreams are made of… the slow and steady fire. It’s the love that has stood the test of time – even if the time is just a few short months or years. It’s the love that feels like a lived-in pair of fluffy slippers, your best-fitting favorite jeans or your comfiest cotton flannel jammies. It’s the love that endures financial strain, forgotten appointments, poor loading of the dishwasher, too-loud sneezes, eye-roll inducing groany lame jokes and gastrointestinal annoyances. It’s finding your Twin Flame.
What’s a Twin Flame? It’s quite literally your Spiritual “Other Half.” It’s a being with whom you’ve been paired throughout time and space. It’s someone with whom you share a past, present and future. In fact, you’ve spent some of your “down time” on the other plane as one being of color and Light. When you meet in your current lifetime, there’s a feeling of familiarity, of kismet, of “home.” The courtship is brief, the romance whirlwind, the passion bottomless and the love deep and deliberate. It’s simply finally finding the love that’s been missing in your life thus far.
Does everyone have a Twin Flame? Yep. Will everyone find that Twin Flame in this lifetime? Nope. “Hey, wait!” you’re saying – “That’s not fair! Why are some the lucky ones?” Because your Highest Selves sometimes agree to spend a life (or lives) apart to grow on the journey to self-actualization and the development of your Spirit. But I will say this, from my experience at least – if you truly feel that there is someone out there for you in this lifetime, you will find him or her. It may take some time… again – in my case it was nearly half a century – but it will happen. Hanging in there while you wait is part of the learning. A really painful and difficult part.
I once dated (briefly) a guy who claimed that there was no such thing as love – that people’s “love” for someone else is simply a way of self-stroking – going through the motions of “loving” someone else, so that you will get what you want from her or him – sex, gifts, comfort, financial security, whatever you’re looking for. In other words, you only “love” when you feel you can get something in return. He said that there was no such thing as unconditional love – even one’s love for a child is a selfish act, because you’re essentially loving a piece of yourself. I happened to mention once that I was on my way to donate blood and he looked surprised and audibly gasped – “That’s a true act of love!” Well, at least he was able (sorta) to admit when he was wrong.
Some see love nowhere. I see love everywhere. There is love in a sunrise, love in a tree just beginning to bud, love in the robins returning, love in trusting that death is temporary and our energy hangs around, and that no business is unfinished – just postponed. If you look hard enough, long enough, hopefully enough… the truth is right in your face. Don’t forget to stretch out your hand, open your heart and stay positive. Your Twin is counting on you.
And in the end, the love you take… is equal to the love you make.
I am currently writing a book on Manifesting Your Twin Flame, and am available for Twin Flame coaching one-on-one. I will also be teaching a class in painting a meditation-inspired work of art to help draw your Twin Flame to you. Please contact me for details.