Venus’ Lonely Hearts Club – There’s Hope for Us

Does your love life suck? Have you had lifelong trouble forming relationships, or have a string of people you thought were “the ONE,” then later come to a “what the !@#$ was I thinking” revelation? Are you continually attracted to partners who treat you badly, but miss them terribly after a break-up, or even go back to them again and again? Do you find yourself saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or having nothing at all to say? Are you clingy, aloof, or inappropriate when you meet someone interesting? Is your self-worth, and even your enjoyment of life or sense of purpose, tied to whether you’re in a relationship? Maybe your natal Venus is to blame.

If this sounds like you, I invite you to take a look to see if your birthdate falls somewhere on this chart. Scroll down for the chart – the top of the long page will give more details about what you can expect, based on the sign in which Venus was retrograde on your birthday. For example, mine was retrograde in Scorpio (fun fact – I was born the day after Jodie Foster, who, along with Ted Bundy, is noted in the description). Yep, I’m one of you – the hapless 7-8% of the population who were born while Venus was in retrograde.

My website metrics tell me that, by far, the web search that brings the most people to my site is for “Natal Venus Retrograde.” In my October 2019 Blog, I wrote about how to resolve various natal retrogrades – and the search for how to survive and possibly “fix” this inauspicious aspect of one’s chart led me to be #7 on the first Google page that comes up. So I thought I would go a little bit deeper into how to resolve this particular natal retrograde, since so many folks seem to be looking for help around it. For those of you who are still wondering what the heck a retrograde is, here’s a description that may be useful. And if you suffer from some of the maladies I mention above, and you’re not on the natal Venus retrograde chart, keep reading – you may find something that helps you as well.

Let’s talk about Venus herself first, and get a sense of its broader governance. Venus is the planet of love, sex and relationships, of course. But let’s widen the lens and see what we “love” as what we see as valuable – what’s most important to us. Venus rules the signs of Libra (holding things in the balance, weighing their value) and Taurus (money and earthly concerns). This encompasses not only relationships, but career and financial ventures – which are important because it’s how we survive in the modern world; and health-related issues (self-care/love ensuring physical survival), including fitness, food and dis-ease. Also included in this broad definition are the issues that matter most to us – those things about which we are passionate or committed. For example, your hobbies, social justice, political inclinations, animal rights, climate concerns; as well as the drive for acquisition, power and control, if those are the things you find most important. Venus is also art, beauty, music, dance, culture and all those things that draw us together as a species. She is what makes you happy, what makes you feel good, and what gives you meaning and purpose in this lifetime.

So, as retrogrades are characterized by a slowing or regrouping in these areas of your life – a need for closer reflection and attention – then on a Spiritual and cosmic level you came here during Venus retrograde for a lifetime in which you will be forced to reckon with issues in one, some or all (!) of these areas. Remember – your higher self chose this time for you to come to this planet – in its wisdom and hunger for growth and enlightenment. This can be a karmic-clearing lifetime for you, if you choose to put in the work.

If your natal Venus is retrograde and you’re looking for some relief from what could be a stressful and difficult Earthly existence, first ask yourself – what do you value most? This may take some true soul-searching. Don’t go with your first, knee-jerk reaction to the question – what you want – even if it seems to be the obvious choice. Do some meditation on it, some journaling, some discussion with your counselor (spiritual or otherwise), and really chain it down to what is most important to you. You can’t work on a resolution without being sure of your goal.

Now look for what you believe is keeping you from reaching that goal. For example, say you were born with Venus in retrograde and you have a history of failed, unfulfilling, abusive, heartbreaking or unsatisfying relationships, or feel that you had and lost “The ONE,” or have never really felt a connection with anyone. What are your limiting ideas about relationships? Do you think that, because you haven’t found the right person after many years of dating, it won’t ever happen in the future? Do you feel unattractive (our ideas about beauty and sex appeal are also rooted in Venus), or somehow undesirable, and that therefore no one will be drawn to you? Are you convinced that your status as a single person is somehow your “fault,” or that you’re doing something “wrong”? Do you feel as though you need to settle for someone that you don’t really feel is right for you, or even someone who hurts you, so that you won’t be alone? Are you worried that you’re being punished for something you’ve done in this or a previous lifetime? Those are the types of limitations that you’re tasked with eliminating this time around.

So now you ask, okay, I’ve figured out my deepest desire, I’ve found my limiting thought patterns and I’m ready to turn this retrograde around, but – how? It seems the most difficult habits to break are those which are tied to emotion and one’s sense of self. Remember that it’s the thoughts that hold us back – and that, yes, although your life experiences and the way you feel day to day are absolutely real and truly distressing, shifting the way you look at things is critical to moving forward. The rest is patience, patience, patience.

For instance, instead of saying “no one will ever love me,” keep your focus on the present. “I’m single right now.” As painful as that may be, recognizing it as a present but not permanent condition will shift your thinking about who you are. You’re temporarily single, not destined to be forever alone, regardless of your natal Venus. Take each of your limiting thoughts in bite-sized bits and chip away at them one by one. Be vigilant at recognizing the thoughts when they come up (it will take a while – habits are hard to break), and promptly countering them, and you will start seeing their frequency slowly diminish. This isn’t a quick fix, and may not happen immediately – keep heart and faith that things will change when the time is right.

Another invaluable technique for resolving natal retrogrades is positive affirmation. Speak about what you want as if it’s already here. Before I met my husband (after 16 years of a horrible first marriage, followed by 16 lonely years of serial dating during which I rarely had a relationship last more than three months), I began to live as if I had someone in my life. This person brought me flowers, spoke encouraging words and loved me unconditionally. I journaled conversations with “him” that were intimate, caring and nurturing. I began to surround myself with beautiful, loving images. I stopped the self-loathing sarcasm and self-deprecation. I stopped allowing others to treat me with disdain or condescension. I tried changing my internal self-talk from negative to positive. I nurtured myself with my favorite things. I treated myself as I wanted a significant other to treat me. I stopped dating users, abusers and those to whom I wasn’t at all attracted. I didn’t automatically see myself as attractive, desirable and lovable, but I faked it ‘til I made it. Seeing my chances of having a healthy relationship as hopeless wasn’t improving my life, so how much worse could it be if I allowed myself to think positively and at least entertain the possibility of it happening? I had nothing to lose. I thought of it as a done deal, and within a surprisingly short period of time, it was.

I believe that most people who are born during Venus retrograde fret most about relationship issues, but the same techniques will work equally well with other Venus-ruled aspects of your life – money, your health, your career, etc. With some psychic elbow grease, patience, and a sense of humor, whatever you value most could be on its way to you.

PS: In my work as a Twin Flame coach, I share these practical techniques with my clients and help to get them on the road to self-love, which leads to accepting love from others. If you’re interested in this process, please contact me for more information!

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are in an emotionally, financially or physically abusive relationship, it is NEVER your fault, and help is available. Contact your local domestic violence agency, or (in the US) go here for more information or to chat online, or call 1(800) 787-2334.

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